A Dubious Study Suggests Beards Are Done

A study by the University of New South Wales, Australia, has concluded that we as a society have reached a saturation point with facial hair. Clearly this is nothing more than beard blasphemy! The so-called research used a mere 36 photos of men in full beard, short beard, and no beard — how can that possibly reflect the full range of whiskers? — which were then shown to a small sampling of 1,500 people. The researchers apparently found that those people, who’ve obviously never jumped in the sack with a beard, ranked them negatively.

Ok, so perhaps beards are a little ubiquitous and slightly grating, especially when celebrities glom onto the tonsorial trend yet bring no new ideas to the chin. However, we submit it really depends on the beard. Van Dykes and Van Winkles are certainly out; in fact they were never in. Same with handlebar mustaches and goatees. Elaborate beards in the shape of multi-masted schooners are suitable only for German biergartens. But otherwise beards are the height of manly sexiness. So channel your inner pogonophile and embrace the face jungle, we say. Let it tickle your neck and southward, and don’t let some feckless study rain on your hirsute pursuit. 

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