How Well Do You Know Your Morrissey Quips?

Morrissey’s new autobiography is out, and it’s packed with all the blood-curdling Wildean flourish you could hope for from the British contrarian and The Smiths’ frontman. Its 457 pages are chock-full of score-settling, lyrical rants, and young idealism gone awry. (He also addresses, if obliquely, his sexuality and the reason for The Smiths’ breakup.) But Morrissey is hardly new to the artful quip. Every time he opens his mouth, a sneering wisecrack falls out. Here are a few of his best over the years. Can you tell which are from the new book? …


  1. “The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it’s not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It’s because of Beyoncé’s handbags.”

  2. “[Chrissie Hynde] is by far the funniest person I have ever met. Chrissie could make people laugh at the funeral of triplets.”

  3. “[The royals] have, quite naturally, hijacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press … The spirit of 1939 Germany now pervades throughout media-brand Britain.”

  4. “Jerry Nolan on the front of the [New York] Dolls debut album is the first woman I ever fell in love with.”

  5. “He is pushing his face in all the time and telling us about his private life. Nobody’s interested. He should just go away.”

  6. “Doing nothing gives me great pleasure. And believe me, I succeed wonderfully in it.”

  7. “Madonna reinforces everything absurd and offensive. Desperate womanhood. Madonna is closer to organized prostitution than anything else.”

  8. “The Brits [Awards] are ghastly. I never would accept a Brit. It would be like Laurence Olivier being happy getting a TV Times award.”

  9. “Ah, the greasy grind of the press … What’s the point of running a Morrissey story if neither HEAVEN KNOWS HE’S MISERABLE NOW or BIGMOUTH STRIKES AGAIN have any relevance as headlines?”

Answers: 2, 4, 9 are from Autobiography

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