On the impressive, and probably never contemplated, arrival of your 67th year, we’d like to thank you for your service to hilarity and gaydom. So…

• Thank you for bringing your innate sense of haute camp to the world and staying true to your irreverent dark humor.
  – Thank you for setting most of your films in Baltimore and casting your friends—Ricki Lake! Mink Stole! Mary Vivian Pearce!—again and again.
  – Thank you for being a bibliophile and collecting thousands upon thousands of the most obscure books ever written.
  – Thank you for hitchhiking across the country last year and planning to write your own book about it.
  – Thank you for accepting a CFDA Fashion Award on behalf of Rei Kawakubo last year and supporting Comme des Garçons since forever.
  – Thank you for bringing Patti Hearst out of reclusion and getting her to poke fun at herself on camera.
  – Finally, thank you for introducing us to Divine. Here she is. She’d like to blow out the candles now.