Concerning the film adaptation of Just Kids, Patti Smith’s magical memoir about her charmed relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe, we have good news and bad news.

The good news: as expected, John Logan will write the screenplay. A Hollywood veteran, he brought Gladiator, Sweeney Todd, and The Aviator to life, among other critically acclaimed, award-winning blockbusters. So, yay. The bad news: Smith has been quoted as saying she thinks those blood-sucking, life-draining Twilight twinks could play herself and Mapplethorpe. “I remember the very first time I saw Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson together, when they were younger,” she told a reporter, “and I thought those two kids could have easily played us when they were first starting.”

Nope, no way, absolutely not. We forbid it. Just Kids is a sublime book that deserves better. Let them have vampires and sorcery and fragrance campaigns where they stand there and look pretty, but please, can we leave the acting to those with more than one facial expression? Seriously, why not go all the way and cast Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, with Miley Cyrus as Andy Warhol?