Feeling a little more enlightened today? Perhaps it’s because cultural arbiter Lady Gaga took a time out from her busy schedule of singing, dancing and wearing clothes to set things straight.

For the third article in Gaga’s monthly column for V magazine, the pop star eulogizes conventional fashion criticism with her own piece of criticism aimed at the New York Times’ Cathy Horyn. It’s the latest in a schoolyard squabble that started in June, when Horyn dissed Gaga’s outfit in the “Edge of Glory” video and publicly de-followed her on Twitter.

Gaga’s piece—styled after one of Diana Vreeland’s infamous memos—starts off solidly enough, questioning the role of the critic in the increasingly democratic world of the web. She makes a good, if not original, point. After all, everyone from your 12-year-old cousin to the local mailman has a blog these days.

The more Gaga writes, however, the more the piece unravels in spectacular fashion. She calls for the end of pretension, yet addresses her “memorandum” to “Intellectuals.” She declares hierarchies dead, then refers to herself as a queen. She calls out Horyn, known for her sometimes brutal honesty in an industry based on air- and ass-kissing, and others for being quick to judge, but offers no examples. At one point, she reduces Horyn to a “gossiper” and suggests what Tavi has to say is more important. That’s petty and ridiculous. And it’s like saying we should expect any 14-year-old with a Casio to compose a hit single. 

At the end of her nearly 1,000-word treatise, Gaga asks, “Why have we decided that one person’s opinion matters more than anyone else’s?” Good question, Gaga.