One Sentence or Less

Justin Bond, Artist

What did you do immediately before this questionnaire?
Sent a response to a dinner invitation. The answer was “yes.”

What will you do immediately following this questionnaire?
Answer my next email.

What is your idea of bliss?
My idea of bliss is straddling a log on a mountainside on a warm spring day, with my journal open in front of me and creative juices flowing through me, while my friends prepare an amazing dinner nearby.

What is your idea of misery?
Being stuck in a bad situation with no idea how to get out of it.

What is the strangest article of clothing in your closet?
Probably an original gown made for me by Machine Dazzle, which consists of safety pins, fishnet, and laminated tranny porn. I say probably because for some people I know, that wouldn’t be so strange at all.

What is your proudest moment?
When I sent the master of my upcoming CD, Dendrophile, to the manufacturers. It was the culmination of many years of hard work and truly satisfying.

What is your greatest regret?
That I didn’t go to a faery-gathering with my dear departed sister Miss Kitty Litter Green when she asked me to in 1993.

What would be the first sentence of your biography?
It just so happens that I have a memoir coming out in mid-September called “Tango: My Childhood, Backwards and in High Heels.” The first sentence is: “Hey Fred, where’s Ginger?, my grandfather would ask me. I was always dancing around the house as a child. I didn’t know who Fred was, or Ginger for that matter. All I knew was that I liked to dance.”

What catchphrase do you use the most?
Werq it out lady.

What is your best personality trait?
In general, I like people.

What is your worst personality trait?
That I can’t think of any.

What is the most inspiring place you’ve visited?
The Scottish countryside.

What is your most embarrassing fashion moment?
When I threw a hissy-fit because my mother forgot dry underpants for me to change into after I was baptized.

What is your most triumphant fashion moment?
When Anna Wintour complimented me on my brooch at the Met Ball. It was just an old brooch, but evidently she liked it, and that’s enough for me.

What do you do when you’re creatively blocked?
I open my dog-eared copy of André Breton’s “Surrealist Manifesto,” pick a spot, and take it from there.

What is the most attractive quality in a person?
Tender attentiveness.

What is your favorite physical feature?
I’m intrigued by eyebrows.

What is your least favorite physical feature?
I despise a petty mouth.

What makes you feel the most alive?
A walk in the woods.

What is your best talent, after your work?
I can turn out a fierce brunch.

What would you ask for if you were granted one wish?
That AIDS had never existed.

What was the last thing that made you laugh uncontrollably?
Amber Martin’s show, “Amber Alert,” at the Wild Project.

What is your greatest fear?
Being sick and alone.

What has been your greatest loss?
The only thing that I’ve ever really lost is the companionship of departed friends and loved ones.

Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child?
Casper the Friendly Ghost.

What is the best gift you’ve ever received?
It’s a toss-up between braces and my college education, both from my parents.

What is the best gift you’ve ever given?
I don’t think I could know.

What historical figure would you most like to meet?
Edna St. Vincent Millay or Colette.

What is your most treasured possession?
A self-portrait painted by my girlfriend Miss Kitty.

What have you marched in the streets for?
Lots of things. I’ve marched against war, and for people, on numerous occasions.

What would you march in the streets for?
See above.

If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
I’d be able to fly.

If you made a parody of a song and video, what would it be?
I wouldn’t do that.

If you could erase one memory, what would it be?
Consider it done.

If you could live out one fantasy, what would it be?
I’m thinking of something swarthy in a tent, very midnight at the oasis.

If you could change your life in one way, what would it be?
The people that I love would all be within three hours driving distance.