Barr Service

My Dearest Barr Service,
I’m a singer, actress, fashion icon, plastic surgery enthusiast, centerfold, celebrated wearer of weaves and the sister of Pop Royalty. Friday, June 25, 2010 was the one year anniversary of my brother’s tragic passing. For years people thought we were the same person, but now that he’s resting in peace, I think he’d want me to get the attention he knows I deserve. To help in my grieving process, my PR has arranged for paparazzi to ambush me in Malibu as I stroll the beach mournfully to show the world how my heart is breaking. Naturally, I’ll need a sexy beach look.
♥ Don’t Lie, Toy Toy

My Angel!
Please accept my belated condolences on your brother’s death. Mourning in Malibu sounds chic chic chic, so I’m glad you came to me for some accidental paparazzi grieving shot styling. My mother always said, never miss an opportunity for a little publicité!…

Matthew Williamson snake-print silk chiffon caftan: $750
You’re into snakes, right? I recall you used several to cover your jay-jay in Playboy a few years back.

Tara Matthews beaded bikini: $405
Nothing says “one year anniversary of my brother’s death” like a rhinestone-studded bikini.

Alexander Wang Zoro sunglasses: $325
The sharp angles of these sunglasses match your cheek implants flawlessly!

Alexander McQueen leopard skull silk chiffon scarf: $475
You look a little bit like a leopard and you are in mourning, so this print seemed appropriate.

Anya Hindmarch canvas tote: $230
Just in case you’re shy about getting “AVAILABLE” tattooed on your forehead, here it is on a cute beach bag!

Melissa Odabash straw cowboy hat: $110
You paid a lot for that wig, Lord knows we don’t want it to blow away!

Azzedine Alaïa& metallic leather gladiator flats: $1870
I’m sure you’d prefer a heel, but the last thing we’d want are photos of you face down in the sand.

Clarins sunblock SPF 60: $30
Whether you’re born with it or not, Caucasian skin burns, mama! Better safe than sorry.

Ben Nye nose and scar wax: $21
Just in case your current nose melts, here’s everything you need to build a new one on the spot.

Grand total: $4216 (If you can’t afford it, just ask Paris or Blanket for a loan.)

Fingers crossed for the cover of Star! Reebie I mean Robbie

Email your problem and picture to Robert. If he’s moved, touched or turned on, he’ll virtually style you in the best fashion has to offer. Also visit his blog, The Barr Code.

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