@hintmag plz hlp me! Me = sometimes dyke & 4mer kid aktor (*) curNtly n legal probz 4 missN booze education clss. Totes 100% not my fault! I thort booze ed wuz somit u did n bars! normaly i dr$ 100% FASHION bt I need a court appropes look. Xxoo 😉 sevinnyne
Listen, who hasn’t had a DUI? But let’s not dress under the influence too, okay? Looking right for a court appearance is all about channeling a film noir bombshell. Think Lana Turner, Lauren Bacall and Breathless Mahoney legal realness. With the look I’ve put together, you’re guaranteed to stay a free bitch…
La Perla feather G-string bodysuit: $470
Just in case you need to “chat” with the judge in his chamber, you’re ready!
Emanuel Ungaro pinstripe zip dress: $1,605
You designed this shit, right? You might as well wear it. Lord knows no one else wants it.
L’Wren Scott leather-trimmed lace hat: $595
Alexis Carrington always wore a hat to court.
Manolo Blahnik tassel pumps: $565
I know, I know! Boring. But you just can’t wear a hooker heel to court. (Unless you are a hooker?)
Chester Jeffries leather gloves: $100
How better to hide unseemly marks than with a fabulous gloves?
Christian Dior sunglasses (vintage): $275
Right before you spontaneously cry on the witness stand, slide these off when you need to add some extra drama.
Tiffany silver flask: $750
Take it from me, getting the sweats in court ain’t pretty. This should hold you over till you make it back to the car for a cocktail.
Tiffany silver pillbox: $325
For your vitamins, duh.
Replica “Chanel” handbag: $175
You’re broke, right? Just don’t let anyone get too close and they’ll never notice the wonky stitching.
The Meadows Addiction Treatment Center (35 days): $33,500
Just in case.
Grand total: $38,360
Wait! Hold the pixels. I’ve changed my mind. This is all you need…
One-way ticket to Bogota from LAX: $675
You know what, fuck my previous suggestions! You’re a young gal who just wants to have fun. Why do rehab? Why do court at all? Just throw some shit in a bag and hop on the next flight to Colombia. They’ve got everything need: ample work on telenovelas, plenty of lady DJs, nightlife and tons of, um, well…
New grand total: $675
Keep Your Nose Clean,