Bruce LaBruce Live-Tweets ANTM

And now, for a Thursday afternoon snacklet, we bring you Bruce LaBruce’s live-tweeting of America’s Next Top Model last night…

8:09 pm: I’m bored so I’m gonna live tweet America’s Next Top Model.

8:14 pm: Ok, ok, I’ll do it. Nigel Barker trying to act like some innocent male model? He’s always so arrogant and stuck up. He’s a modelizer, trust.

8:14 pm: I’m trying 2 live tweet America’s Next Flop Model, but the show is so played out it’s not giving me a lot of material. Where’s Tyrant Banks?

8:16 pm: One really needs a very large glass of red wine to live tweet America’s Next Flop Model, and I don’t got one. My apartment is like Utah. Dry

8:17 pm: I think it’s cool that model turned the tables on noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker. How many girls has he made feel uncomfortable?

8:19 pm: They’re asking the models 2 create sexual chemistry w/ that queen from 2nite Show? Makes sense. All male models are fags and/or narcissists.

8:21 pm: The 2nite Show Queen looks like he’s never been that close to a Vageen before. He probably has to throw up in a bucket between models.

8:22 pm: What is that purple monstrosity the editor from 17 magazine is wearing?

8:23 pm: If that mother model mentions her kid one more time I’m gonna hurl.

8:26 pm: Where’s my husband with the red wine? I wanna get toe up watching Tyrant Banks on ANTM Cycle 397.

8:28 pm: Can’t they break up the formula of ANTM even a little bit? I mean, it’s even more formulaic than House!

8:28 pm: Miss Jaye is the best dresser on ANTM, for reals.

8:31 pm: Tyrant Banks exposes the corrupt world of fashion knock-offs. She should put the perpetrators in Ryker’s and do a fashion shoot with them.

8:33 pm: That googly-eyed janky make-up bears no relation to Alexander McQueen, gurleen.

8:33 pm: Oh Jesus, are you going to mention your child again, Sympatheen?

8:35 pm: These girls haven’t read the fashion software, evidently.

8:38 pm: These girls need to hang out freestyle. Tyrant shouldn’t keep them in the slave quarters for too long!

8:42 pm: Alexandra is incapable of chillin’ f*&king neutral.

8:43 pm: Pat Cleveland!? I haven’t seen her since Betty Bacall used to fall flat on her ass when they released the fake cocaine at Studio 54!

8:43 pm: Nigel Barker looks like he’s due for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

8:44 pm: Andre Leon Talley looks like he just stepped off the Jitney!

8:46 pm: Pat Cleveland sounds Jersey.

8:47 pm: Is Andre Leon Talley holding an Hermes riding crop? Is his polo pony waiting for him in the parking lot?

8:48 pm: Oh, oh, Tyrant is smiling with her eyes again. She’s like the Medusa with that smizing.

8:56 pm: The black girls look the most fashion to me.

8:56 pm: Raina’s got that Margaux Hemingway thing going on.

8:57 pm: Tyrant “You stand before me” Banks. Can’t you change it up a little, grill?

8:59 pm: Why are most of the contestants on ANTM in their twenties when in they real fashion world they would already be washed up at the age?

Leave a comment